Once upon a time, there was the Action Film. And the action film was sad and down, because directors didn’t know how to play with him. They would invite him over, but then, bore him to death with badly edited car chases, overblowing explosions and poor excuses of storylines. But now, hope is here, friends.
From the director of Happy Feet and Babe: Pig in the City, here it is, the Action Film as It Should Be. Tremble, Marvel men in colorful tights! Shake, feeble attempts of a Batgirl reboot! Frank Miller, deny thy father and thy name and go die under a heavy rock! And Michael Bay… Mikey… just stick to those cute Victoria Secret’s ads.
Because lo, there is hope for The Blockbuster. The man who created the franchise in the 80s came back to save us from our sad popcorn times. Mel Gibson may be too old to play Max, but George Miller has bathed in the blood of failed young directors and kept himself fresh, crazy, and ready for action. And when we say ready for action, we mean – OH. MY. GODS. Do you think we critics are overreacting? That nothing can be THAT GOOD? Heresy! Go stare at your nearest screen and repent your sinful ways.
Furiosa: Fury Road has everything to be the only film we should ever show to an alien race if they ever dare to contact us and ask for movie recommendations. It is basically a two-hour car chase with Monster Trucks, guns and live guitar solos. If this doesn’t make you wet your seat, you have no soul and deserved those two Wolverine movies. This is the moment one should make a small synopsis of the story, but WHO CARES ABOUT THE STORY, THERE ARE MONSTER TRUCKS! Bah, ok, quickly. It’s the dystopian future. Water, there’s almost none. The guy who has the water, Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne), is a d*ckhead. Mad Max (Tom Penguin Hardy) is caught by Joe’s minions and used as a blood bag to this mate called Nux. Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron) is supposed to go deliver gasoline to a nearby town, but half way through she makes a detour because, hey, she’s helping Joe’s harem to run away to her magical homeland where is always green. Action ensues! And more action, and so much more, and by the end you want more but it’s over, and you can’t believe if, and you cry, but no, there’s no more, so you go and buy two more tickets for the next two sessions.
Any critical capacity goes out of the window when confronted with this level of awesomeness on screen. The brain just goes like a child by the hand of George Miller. If George says so, it is so, no question. From what our European cinema educated subconscious remembers, it’s amazingly shot (no shaky camera) by John Seale, and edited by the Gods themselves, incarnated on the fingers of Jason Ballatine and Margaret Sixel.
This film is an anomaly of the Matrix. The acting is superb. There are no bad dialogues. Damn, there isn’t a single lousy joke! There’s CGI, there are breathtaking action sequences, and there’s Charlize THERON! She’s, like, a mix of all the action heros of the 80s, the love child of Ripley and John McClane.
Why the hell are you still reading this anyway? GO SEE IT. NOW. 2D, 3D, IMAX. All. Of. It. Take water bottles and some sarnies. We’ll see you next week.
PS: You probably heard that there are men’s rights groups calling this film feminist propaganda. That may be somewhat related to the fact that all the female characters in this film are PROPER BADASS. Even the sexy, beautiful, mostly pregnant members of the harem. There’s even a gang of old biker women! I know, showing female characters as proper, layered human beings, what the hell? U mad George?
Mad Max: Fury Road will be in UK cinemas UNTIL THE END OF TIMES starting on 14th May 2015.